Sunday, March 27, 2016

The Top 10 Bad Gifts For Kids! Putrid Presents That'll Ruin Any Christmas!

As a child, ever open a really odd and head scratching Christmas gift from an Aunt who you don't quite remember? Or from a Grandparent who is trying their best to be thoughtful but misses the mark by a mile? Think Ralphie wearing the pink bunny costume in A Christmas Story, or asking for a Beatles album and getting '101 Strings presents the music of The Beatles" instead.
Of course, I find all this stuff wonderful, but I'm not the mystified tot on their Birthday hoping for a Barbie Custom Van and getting a dollar store knockoff. 
Expect this blog to grow and grow and grow because I'm quite sure there is no shortage of awkward, inappropriate and mystifying examples of gift giving out there. But, above all, keep in mind that it's always nice that someone went to the effort to brighten your day with a present, no matter how goofy it might be.

And for MORE kid's fun, check out-
Name me just ONE  kid who doesn't love ALL of the Yentl merchandising!

For the tot that has Munchausen by proxy syndrome.

It's as if the angels themselves were in charge of the sweet lickable Christian confections!
"Battery Operated" might be the give-away, but when you take the removable arms off our vibrating action figure, he'll be ready for a different type of 'right through the hoop'.

Imagine the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups-like scenario of a truck full of plastic doll bodies crashing into a truck full of Li'l Abner rubber puppet heads, or the entrepreneurial brainstorm of what to do with a warehouse of unsold headless baby dolls and unwanted Li'l Abner, Daisy Mae, Pappy Yokum and Mammy Yokum noggins.
I found the nude corncob pipe missing Mammy Yokum at the flea market and did a double take. Then a triple take. What is this strange Frankenstein creation? The grafted head on a baby-! the horribly molded breasts-!! on a one month old-!!! topped with an 80 year old leering face?!!!!
I thought it must have been the one-off creation of a junior mad scientist with sexual issues, but through extensive research (an ebay search) it appears this was actually on 1950's toy store shelves.
I don't have the other residents of Al Capp's Dogpatch, but I hope Daisy Mae had better luck with her breast implants, and I shudder to think what surgery took place on Pappy and Abner!

Put a cool rag on your forehead, because this is REAL.
Just like mommy, if mommy were a French prostitute.

I'm still looking for the Grandma 'Whiskey and Shot Glasses' doll accessories.

Your children will never get another restful night's sleep
with this shell boy staring them down from the bedroom shelf.

A fun way to convert your friends to the correct religion!
"Who wants to play a board game?!"
"We do!"
"Great! The first thing you have to do is just be Born Again!"

My Christmas list has often included "Goat" OR "Tree"
but never in my wildest dreams would I get them BOTH together!

Not to be given to adults.

Long before "The Ren and Stimpy" show had their parody ads 
for "LOG" it was an actual gift for kids.
I also enjoy the very reasonable price of $10 for a stack of 6" long sticks.

The best gift of all time!
I sadly missed out on my very own due to last minute ebay bidding,
but I still have this 'lil jeg to think of the fun that might have been!

ALL puzzles are bad gifts. FYI.

Call me old-fashioned, but that's just plain WRONG!
What? They go on shoes?!
Forget I said anything!

When I grow up I want to be a scratcher working out of my kitchen!

Before there was DEVO,
there was the "3 Play Wig" set of beehive plastic hair.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Mitch's Must Read Selections for March!

Thanks to the fine folks at Illustrators Quarterly magazine to devoting a cover
and about 30 pages to my doodles and ramblings!
Look for it on your local newsstand or order it online-
Thanks to the amazing Suffer Magazine for including me in the new issue!
Even though it's written in some type of gibberish, I'm pleased to be featured (and especially glad to have my amazing bowling prowess highlighted)!
To find out more about this fine publication-

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Sex In Comics! What Our Beloved Comic Characters Did After Dark!

The erotic behind closed door exploits of golden age comics exposed!

Captured in this vintage set of overseas playing cards are
things you'd never see in your Sunday funnies.
The Spirit, Alley Oop, Mandrake the Magician, The Phantom, Mutt and Jeff,
Phantom Lady, Dick Tracy, Popeye and Olive Oyl,
Superman and many more just doin' what comes naturally!

And for more comic hi-jinks-