Thursday, January 23, 2014

Where are they now? The lure of Superstardom!

While killing time at the thrift store while daughter Kieran went through each and every Cosby sweater, I came across a 1993 issue of "Faces International" a phone book sized book full of glossy "model" sheets. I was lured by the equally glossy faced trio of Frank, Kathy and Cody Gifford (do I get I prize for knowing the son's name?) on the cover, where you can see that out of the million of pics snapped in the photo shoot, as long as they were looking airbrushed good, who cares if the kid isn't looking at the camera.
But back on topic-
  I half remember 90s commercials doing a cattle call round-up for aspiring agent-less models/actors ( All Ages! All shapes! All Sizes! No Experience Needed!) hoping to become famous tanned and wealthy, to show up at the local mall between 9am and 5pm for a free "Interview and Evaluation" to star in "Commercials! Television! Movies!".
What I'm guessing happened once they arrived, was not an offer to be the new highly paid spokesperson for something or other, but a sales pitch to buy advertising in "Faces International."
I have nothing against self-promotion (as you might have noticed), and I encourage following your dreams (in fact, as you know, my 1987 hit single was titled "Follow your Dreams"), but I hope these folks were doing something beyond buying a space here to show off their face to reach those stars. Even more delusional is that over half the book is parents thinking their kids are the next big thing, including little babies, and using their college funds for a full page ad.
I mean, don't they know that MY kids are the next big thing?!
The rest is full of completely normal looking average people in their best K-Mart photo, disposable camera memory or occasional professional glamor shot. It seems the only props they were allowed to show how multi faceted you were are giant 90s portable phones and baseball bats (runners up were leather jackets, tennis rackets and headbands).
The "articles" in-between the revenue include an interview with Bruce Jenner where he's still known as an athlete, and the Kardashians go unidentified in a 3" tall family photograph of everyone in matching blue denim suits. Bruce blissfully ruminates on life, "It's nice to be home where my kids humble me and my days are full of ordinary stuff." 
As I continue to guess, after the presses rolled out the 10,000 copy print run of Faces, the Faces truck went around Los Angeles and deposited mountains of dreams on the stoop of every film and television studio along with stacking 'em in the waiting room of all the talent agencies. Within 30 minutes of the thump of landing books, the newest employee on staff would be stuck carrying them to the alley dumpster.
The testimonials seem to bear this out as out of the 17 chosen to be in "We Get Letters" NOT ONE of them mention that ANYTHING came from shelling out to be in Faces.
Of course, I could be wrong. Please let me know if any of these hopeful folks were able to keep their feet on the ground and actually grab the stars.

I think he went on to become Bazooka Joe's best friend.

Went on to be a founding member of the pop rock group The Cars.

Who am I to argue with these credentials?
No where in the book does it say what "The Board of Advisors"
does or even means. I'm guessing not much.

Adam will be the easiest to locate,
because I'm pretty sure he looks exactly the same at ANY age.

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